The Sun = Love/Hate

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I love that the minute I realize the sun is out, it instantly puts me in a good mood.

I hate the instant fear that creeps over me when I step out into the sunlight.


I love that my kids beg to go outside when the sun is shining.

I hate that I am constantly torn between spending time outside in the sun or going inside where we will be protected.


I love that euphoric feeling I get throughout my body when I'm in the sun for just a little while; when it's just warm enough and not too hot.

I hate that my kids will have to grow up with a worried mom who is constatnly nagging them about sunscreen and the dangers that face them.

I love that my dog knows around 1:00pm that the sunlight comes through our front door.  She waits for me to open the door so she can bask in it.  As the sun moves and the spot on the floor moves, she gets up and moves with it.

I hate that I miss being tan.


I love the way my kids smell after playing in the sun for a while.  I think Bill said it perfectly to Sookie once- "I can smell the sunlight on your skin." That's what I smell on them.

I hate that I miss the natural way in which the sun lightens my hair.


I love that as soon as it gets warm outside, I can't stop thinking about planting flowers, bar-b-ques, and sun tea.

I hate that I will never feel comfortable on the beach.

I love how being in the sun puts everyone in a good mood.

I hate having one more thing to worry about.


I hate that I have to spend a lot of money on sun protective hats for my whole family. 

I hate that my kids will be the ones with swim suits that cover most of their body

I hate that one day I will have to have a conversation with them about why they are wearing different swimming suits than everyone else. 

I hate sunscreen...the way it feels, the way it smells, and I hate putting it on my kids. (they hate it, too!)

I hate, more than anything, that I carry around this weight that's as heavy as a boulder.  That weight is the fear that skin cancer will invade my body for a second time, that it won't be caught as early.  That weight is the fear that I would leave my children without a mother, my husband without a wife. 

Tough Questions

Lately Maria has been asking questions.  Lots and lots of questions!

Although I am impressed with her inquisitivity, I am also shocked that a 3 year old is asking some of these things.  Most times, I have to stop and think very hard at how I'm going to answer them. God forbid I tell her the wrong thing and scar her for life!!!

For example, she has been asking alot of questions about death, and dying, lately.  This all started when I told her the batteries in her Glo-Worm were "dead." Why I didn't just say "Oh, Glo Worm needs new batteries." is beyond me.  Without thinking, I said the batteries were dead and she quickly followed up with "What's dead?"

That conversation escalated a little when she saw pictures of an old dog I had that died back in 2003, named Mary.  She asks what happened to Mary.  Where is Mary now? How did Mary get to heaven? Can I visit Mary?

I finally told her that Mary got really sick and the doctors could not make her better so she died.  Why did Mary die?

I tried to be honest and give her only the information I thought she could process at this age.  I told her all living things eventually die.  People, animals, trees, flowers...nothing was meant to live forever.

After soaking this up for a few days, the questions began again.  "Am I going to die? Mommy, are you going to die? I don't want you to die (tears start streaming from her face) I will miss you!"

One day in the car, she began asking about death again. "Why does God want us to die?" (That's a really tough one, by the way!)

She started asking about certain people...first Grandma Birdie (that's what she calls my mom), then PaPa Galen, the Uncle Jeff, Naomi, her cousin Olivia.....

As the realization that each person whom she loves so dearly might one day no longer be here hit her...the tears just started flowing.  I'm glad I was driving and she couldn't see me becasue I was crying, too.  What a hard lesson to learn at such a young age.  I felt sad for her...like part of her innocence was being ripped away.  I was mad at myself for letting the conversation get so far, but I know that she is going to learn this hard topic eventually.  I am sad that these thoughts cross her mind occasionally, but glad that she opens up to me and asks me questions.  This has been a great opportunity to teach her about loving people and doing good things while we're here on Earth, but it's such a heavy topic for a 3 year old. 

I hope the things that Gerry and I have said to her are the right things.  I hope she doesn't go to bed at night thinking about death and people leaving her.  It's a reality, but I hoped to be able to shield her from these things just a little while longer.

On a lighter side of things, she has been asking questions on other topics, and some of them are pretty humuorous.  Things like "Why does the sun go down, Why does the Earth spin around, How does the Earth spin around, Are there people on other planets, How do we know if we are a boy or girl, Why did God make boys and girls, Why did you (meaning me) get married, Why can't I marry my daddy, Why is Naomi a girl, Where is God, What color is God's hair (when we told her we didn't know what color God's hair was, she said she thinks he has stars for hair), What does God like to eat, What is God doing right now, Why are there monsters....

The list goes on and on...

I am thrilled to have a child who wants to know so much.  Her questions crack me up as much as they break my heart.  My baby is growing up and realizing some hard facts about the world. My hope is that she will always be curious and want to learn, no matter how hard the answers are to hear.

A Day at the Park

Sorry for not posting in a while.  We have been busy with a lot of things (some of which I will share in a later post...stay tuned!)

Anyway, Saturday was an awesome day so we decided to get the kids out and let them run around in the much needed fresh air.  I took the kids to a different park the day before and Naomi was very sad to have to leave the swings. Needless to say, she was thrilled to be able to swing again.  There weren't too many people waiting for the baby swings so she got some extra time in them and loved every minute!!!

The girls had a blast on the playground. Naomi tried a little of everything.  Maria is a daredevil...climbing every huge rock wall and sliding down the poles.  I didn't get too many pics of her because I was too busy making sure she didn't fall. 

We went to Faust Park, which is a very unique park in our city.  It has a Butterfly House and a carousel all within walking distance of the huge playground.  There are also some historic buildings, such as old houses and barns, on the property.  Sometimes the doors are unlocked and people are allowed to go inside and see how people used to live back in the day. On this day, none of the buildings were unlocked so we just viewed them from the outside.  The girls liked walking up on the front porches and looking in the windows.

We stopped and had a snack before we went home. It was a great day and I'm so excited we were able to get out and enjoy the weather...especially since it just snowed again, here yesterday.

Spring just can't come soon enough!

Busy Girl!

So not only is Maria going to school four half days a week, she is also enrolled in a gymnastics class and swimming lessons.  Initially I worried if we were overloading her with too much to do, and sometimes, I still worry.  Especially since she's not napping on the days she goes to school.  But she seems to really enjoy the extra-curriculars and looks forward to them.
We just started our second session of swimming lessons this year.  Swimming has been rough for Maria in the past, but I think we have finally turned a corner. The teacher in this new session is more assertive with Maria, she pushes her harder and builds Maria's confidence.  It is great watching her realize she can do something! I can literally see the light going on in her head. She is kicking around on her own with the noodle, which she was afraid to do before.  And she's even jumping in off the side.  We've also been going to another pool on Friday mornings just to have fun. They have open swim and kids 4 and under are free.  This works out great since Maria is off on Fridays.  I was a little hesitant to take both kids by myself, but it has worked out really well for the past 2 weeks.  I hope to keep that up because every time we go, Maria seems to get stronger in the water. 

The Little Gym is a 16 week program that introduces 3-4 year olds to the basics of gymnastics.  Maria loves going and she is getting stronger at this each time, as well.  I love watching her hang from the bar and attempt a handstand!  The kids sing songs and do different activities each week such as a giant trampoline, the parachute, hula hoops, different kinds of balls, sticks, and bubbles.  She is wiped out when she comes home from the gym...and she sleeps great that night!

(I have no idea what is going on on the balance beam...but I think this picture is hilarious! I think they are trying to trade places and I snapped it at just the right time! Ha ha!)

Our night with Olivia

On Saturday our niece Olivia came over to play. Maria and Naomi were so excited they could hardly contain themselves.  After we ate dinner, the girls put on their princess dresses, crowns, high heels, jewelry and carried their magic wands around while they had a dance party. It was the ultimate girly-girl night full of fashion and fun!

The 3 little princesses settled down long enough to watch a Care Bears Movie. (about 40 minutes of it, to be exact...pretty good for a 3, 2 and 1 year old!)  But then the dance party resumed. We rocked out to Nickelodeon's Mega Music Fest and danced the night away.

The girls had a blast together and we can't wait to get together with Olivia again! (and maybe even Dominic next time!)

I've included a video of the girls rocking out.  Please ignore the weirdo in the background.

Late Valentine's Day Post

The Saturday before Valentine's day, Gerry and I had planned to go out to a nice restaurant for dinner and then go out for drinks after. We even hired a babysitter for the night.

Then everything happened with Devon, which wound up costing a lot of money we weren't expecting to spend.

Then the Kindle showed up.  I felt really bad knowing that Gerry had spent money on a gift to me and we had just paid everything for the dog so I suggested doing something different...something a little less expensive than dinner at a nice restaurant.

For me, it was more about just spending time with Gerry. (without the kids) I didn't care where we went or what we ate.  I jokingly mentioned we should just eat out at Chik- Fil -A.  A new one opened up close to our house last fall and Gerry has been dying to eat there, but the kids won't eat it so we haven't been.

That sparked and idea.  There are a few bars all within walking distance from Chik-Fil-A, so Gerry suggested we do a mini Pub Crawl, just the two of us.

I said I wanted to do something different, so I was all for it.

Our first stop?  St. Louis Sports Zone.  It was kind of dead, but we split some nachos and we each had a beer.

Next up: The Tilted Kilt.  Okay I never said the bars in the area were classy, or even nice.  This one was very interesting.  The waitresses dress worse than they do at Hooters.  Think Britney Spears in "Oops I Did it Again" ...on crack.  The bar/pub sort of  had a Scottish/Biker/Pirate theme to it.  Not very romantic, but made for great people watching! We had a few drinks here.  It was fun! (The worst part was that people actually brought their families...with kids...to eat dinner here.  Wth?)

Our third stop of the night was, indeed, Chik-Fil-A for dinner.  Nothing hits the spot after a few drinks like a good chicken sandwich and waffle fries.  Mmmm.  It was good and worth the wait!

Last stop: 54th Street Bar and Grill.  I couldn't fit anything else into my stomach so I just had a glass of water.

 

The night turned out to be so much fun.  I loved being able to hang out with Gerry and talk...just the two of us.  The best part???  We were actually in bed...sleeping...by 10:30 pm!

Wrapped In Love

Maria and Naomi might not totally understand what is going on with our dog, Devon.  But they know she is sick, not feeling well and that she needs to rest.  She stays out in the living room with us where I can see her and several times throughout the day both of the girls will, very gently, stop to pet her on the head kiss her or give her a hug.  At one point, I looked over and they were covering her up with their pink dress up scarves.

 They said she needed covers because she was cold. It melted my heart.

I'm pretty sure Devon liked it, too!