Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Sun = Love/Hate


I love that the minute I realize the sun is out, it instantly puts me in a good mood.

I hate the instant fear that creeps over me when I step out into the sunlight.

I love that my kids beg to go outside when the sun is shining.

I hate that I am constantly torn between spending time outside in the sun or going inside where we will be protected.

I love that euphoric feeling I get throughout my body when I'm in the sun for just a little while; when it's just warm enough and not too hot.

I hate that my kids will have to grow up with a worried mom who is constatnly nagging them about sunscreen and the dangers that face them.

I love that my dog knows around 1:00pm that the sunlight comes through our front door.  She waits for me to open the door so she can bask in it.  As the sun moves and the spot on the floor moves, she gets up and moves with it.

I hate that I miss being tan.

I love the way my kids smell after playing in the sun for a while.  I think Bill said it perfectly to Sookie once- "I can smell the sunlight on your skin." That's what I smell on them.

I hate that I miss the natural way in which the sun lightens my hair.

I love that as soon as it gets warm outside, I can't stop thinking about planting flowers, bar-b-ques, and sun tea.

I hate that I will never feel comfortable on the beach.

I love how being in the sun puts everyone in a good mood.

I hate having one more thing to worry about.

I hate that I have to spend a lot of money on sun protective hats for my whole family. 

I hate that my kids will be the ones with swim suits that cover most of their body

I hate that one day I will have to have a conversation with them about why they are wearing different swimming suits than everyone else. 

I hate sunscreen...the way it feels, the way it smells, and I hate putting it on my kids. (they hate it, too!)

I hate, more than anything, that I carry around this weight that's as heavy as a boulder.  That weight is the fear that skin cancer will invade my body for a second time, that it won't be caught as early.  That weight is the fear that I would leave my children without a mother, my husband without a wife. 


Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 said...

Yup...I get all of that. It's so damn scary, but you still want the innocence of it for your kids. Being a grown up kind of sucks sometimes, huh?

Danifred said...

We can TOTALLY relate. This is a battle we fight every year. Unfortunately, we will always have to protect ourselves and our kids as well.

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